I am a retired/disabled 18 year Army veteran. I have spent most of my adulthood learning to be a soldier. I often pondered perplexed thoughts, such as you speak of in your forums, but was always somehow distracted and never had a long enough time to better understand some of my thoughts. I was discharged from the Army in 2002, and was at the time with a girl that was diagnosed as bipolar, and later discovering she was very dependent on methamphetamines, so this was also a distraction from my very own pure thoughts. Usually whenever I tried to hold any intelligent dialogue with her, or her “friends” it made my brain want to explode.

Anyways, 2 and a half years ago I set out on my own with my dog Duke, and we went out in the world all on our own. It was scary, but very enlightening. We kicked around San Diego for several months, then went to Texas for a few to settle in Yuma for a year. The year in Yuma went great, and I was able to focus a little more on my thoughts, but still found myself distracted. I am finally settled, and even bought my own place in Joshua Tree California. My dog has since succumbed to cancer, and I was torn apart with “the” decision of having him euthanised. I have dealt with death on a few occasions as a soldier, but never had such a strong feeling of loss before. I am convinced, however, that his perception of time has just been altered, and that before he even turns around to see me missing I’ll be by his side. I also truly believe that his soul/spirit was one in the same as my beloved childhood dog, coincidentally named Duke. I think Duke 2 was actually hanging onto life until I was settled to his satisfaction.

Anyways, to get to the point. Since I have been settled over the last 8 months I have found that I do possess a sense of spritual being. I often make an attempt at learning self conciousness, but am often mislead do to all the new technology, I feel overwhelmed at times with information, and find myself losing interest all together. I have a pretty severe back injury requiring me to take a lot of chemical pain meds. I am a kid of the 60’s and 70’s so marijuana has always been a staple. The Army didn’t like it so I refrained for several years from using it. I now use it regularly, and have reduced my intake of chemicals.

What advise would you give me to better discover myself?

Jeff Boelter

I know there is another dimension if not infinitive amounts of dimiensions. I did not see mention of infinity from what I did read from your posts. My thoughts are often of infinity, and when I concentrate on this idea for more than a few seconds it feels like my brain is just going to stop, kind of like a car engine not quite able to turn over. It is such an intense desire to understand infinity that I almost cry, in fact I have wept with the desire to understand.

Update: Here is the Link to the forum thread discussing this.

a blood cell has a duty – multiply and carry oxygen to the hart and various parts of the body. it is an organ that controls that flow of blood and another organ that creates those blood cells. It is yet another organ that controls all of the other organs to make them do their jobs – the brain.

In this way, we humans are the red blood cells and through enlightenment we can see part of the organ – but never the full body.

when a parent wants a child to learn something, he may employ a method known as a ‘headfake’ (see paush’s the last lecture for his definition). Basically, you have the child do something he thinks will be fun so that he will learn a lesson from it because telling the child directly to do something you want them to do may not work. A simple example is the addition of cheese to brocolli to make the child consume the vegetable he would otherwise never eat. A more complex example is the encouragement of teens to ‘get laid’ with the goal of increasing population and forming lasting relations (hopefully – some never break out of the cycle).

It is the universe that is employing a similar ‘headfake’ to have us accomplish a goal while we think we are accomplishing another one.

Suppose a blood cell decides that his task is boring and mundane, and is determined that in fact there is something more to life than what it is he is led to believe life is about (for all we know, the blood cell thinks it’s going to work every day at the heart and resting at home at some location – hopefully not the toe – those closer to the heart would be considered lucky and wealthy and those far away to be in the slums). Even greater would be if the blood cells could choose their own games to play to occupy itself or play multiple at the same time. If this blood cell gets a glimplse of another reality, realizes its seduction, and controls it (in other words becomes enligtened), the organ may not like this since once the illusion is shed, the cell will not perform its function with the same level of enthusiasm as before. Worse still if he has followers, and they begin to learn. So, when the cell ‘dies,’ it is given a harder task to keep it busy – take care of the organ or something similar. (Maybe he has to wait until the organ itself enligtens for his turn to come). Either way, there are more and more objects stuck in lower levels that decrease as the levels of complexity increase. (like a pyrimid) In each level, the being thinks its supreme, but finds out it is not. The ideal is that which controls all under it and may or may not exist (the eye) – my bet is it exists.

eye
^
/ \
/ \
/_____\

In this same way, we are being fooled into believing we are supreme and continue on with our worldly tasks and games with great enthusiasm and until we can find our seduction, we will never realize something more when we ‘die.’

The materially abundant life can be made into a spiritual experience, where the focus in on the creating of it (understanding how energy and vibrations work), rather than in the mere having of it (turning the materials into our gods, as you say).

Great points, thank you for your wisdom!

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